Welcome to our poetry and creative writing collection!
A state of mind or mind of the state
Universal Credit, what a joke,
It’s a liability, I’m in debit, this bloke, broke,
Hate this thing, as much as Brexit,
restrictions and barriers, have no merits,
blind alleys walked down, leading to darkened exits,
this fork leads to a maze, is it a short- term phase,
leading to long-term breakage, this wreckage that is me,
would like to frame the lack of choice,
Universal Credit, do you see this is individual,
that is me, beyond a collective, numbered monkey,
an organ grinding dancer, gyrating to the whip-crack,
in death throes of diseased, maudlin cancer, no place for the meek
or the humble, just sinister, flexible chancer’s
Universal Credit designed to break, lost in this prison,
as state of mind or mind of the state, face your fate,
no gain only pain, life in the perpetual drain, of funds and your blood,
vampires, ulterior motives, deplete my desires, my livelihood,
Do I work to live or live to work or just die,
this funeral pyre, incomplete, almost entire, a satire,
Universal Credit shortens the life span, darkens the horizons,
a Faustian tempo played on a liar,
no thinkin’, no talkin’, just doin’, for them,
take your medicine, no choice, swallow it whole,
this life of rock and roll, on the dole, sanction me,
The symptom, embrace, the system or capitulate, woops too late…
the end…
Dear strict mother
Please sit with me to show and say what is your children’s story.
At first, thank you for supporting us in terms of monetary and we appreciate you for this monthly pocket money. We are your talented children who are temporarily leaning on your strong trunk like broken branches from a tree.
We have hugged you to be calm for finding the best way for flourishing. We are not lazy or untalented. We are looking for a ray of light that will help us to a good position and we need to hold on to your generous roots.
Because we have heard a lot about this law that if you help and love anything, it will return to you one day. Therefore, one day we will be full of joy and beauty and we will not forget our strong mother who held us in her arms.
Just be patient and kind with us to reach the sun from the heart of these rocks.
Be with us patiently so that we grow tall.
Be a little humble with us, you don't know that these sticky ivy that you put in your skirt, can't stand the cold dew and they wilt due to lack of love.
Be the sea for these wandering seagulls, who enthusiastically dive towards you every time, and their wet feathers do not take hope away from them.
We know that nothing in the world is more valuable than eating bread with the strength of our own arms and finally one day we will be separated from your arms.
But we pray for you in breath-taking and crimson moments of sunset and sunrise.
Or when a wandering magpie is looking towards spring to find its way home, at that time, we pray that you never lose your way home because the way home goes through people's hearts.
Peace be with you always…
"Mind your head!"
Outside the Job Centre's ground
(A): Despite the sunny and warm weather, this cold wind is chilling us to the bone! Isn't it? By the way, what time is it?
(B): It's eleven fifty 11:50 am.
(A): Standing outside with your infant is challenging, isn't it?
(B): ......... (She nods in agreement with my statement).
(A): Hello. Good day. I have an appointment today.
Job Centre's reception: What time is your appointment scheduled for?
(A): The appointment is at 12 o'clock.
Reception: But it's still early. Please go outside and come back 5 minutes before the specified time.
(A): The weather is cold outside, can't I go to the upper floors?
Reception: I am sorry.
I'm doing what needs to be done. It's exactly 12 o'clock now, and I'm going up the stairs. I'm going over everything I need to say in my mind. That's it, 4th floor. The security guard tells me to wait. I sit on the chair that he points to with his hand. I wonder if this time they will pay attention to what I have to say? I count the lines on the carpet floor with the tip of my shoe and say to myself, why not? This is the 8th time I'm repeating these for them. I remember that they have taken note of all my words. I'm supposed to say that I've found a job. That company was impressed with my good resume and asked me to inform the job centre to send them my resume as agreed. I understand that the job centre doesn't assist me in taking courses for my specialized field and getting a job in the field I worked hard for. They have repeatedly asked me to work at a pizza shop or similar places to earn money for the course if I want to take it. But it puzzles me why they don't value the good experience I have gained in the industry. Why don't they respond to my numerous requests to send my resume to that company? Why they even bother to call us to find out if we're interested in pursuing a job opportunity?
(C): Sorry, Sorry!! What time is it???
(A): Oh, I'm sorry, my watch is broken, and I left my mobile phone at home.
I calmly hear someone saying it's 12:20. Oh no! Why isn't anyone calling me for the appointment?
I have such a terrible headache. I need to get to my appointment with the doctor. Maybe it's better if I go and tell someone about why they're not calling me.
(A): Excuse me! Twenty minutes have passed since my appointment time, and I have another appointment elsewhere. Do you have a moment to hear my situation about job and something? I need...
Job Centre's staff: Please don't continue, it's not our problem! Go and have a seat and wait.
A: But all I'm asking from you is to send my resume to the company I found myself and they want me for that job. That's it!
She looks at her screen and stares at it, pretending not to hear my voice. I step back a little and only then notice the sentence written on the glass they placed as a barrier between themselves and the people: "Mind your head!" What a great contradiction! Now not only my head but also my heart aches.
Broken
Fragmented
Shattered
Broken
My heart, my home, my dreams, my life… 25 years we were married. And we were happy - well, until we weren’t. Nobody at fault, no one to blame, just an ending as clean as these messy break-ups can be. And now I’m starting over, alone with my anxiety. Enclosed by the four walls of the one room I can call mine, with little space for my thoughts and none at all for my dreams. The only thing I have in common with my flatmates is the kitchen and hallway we share - but at least I have somewhere to live. I’m trying to feel gratitude. I’m trying to feel hope. I’m trying to feel… But the solid fog that surrounds me deadens emotion.
I am broken.
Fragmented
I gather together the sharp splinters of my fractured finances. Dining on weetabix and water, learning to drink my coffee black, saving a penny here and tuppence there. With a job, albeit part-time and low-paid, I don’t realise Universal Credit is for such as me. I don’t recognise my unconscious prejudice. At last a friend suggests to me that I might qualify, and I learn that even those on benefits can still claim pride and dignity. I try to piece back together my outlook.
I am fragmented.
Shattered
The process begins. The exhaustive application does indeed exhaust me. Now I’m battling Long Covid, battling an employer who fails to understand, battling a rigid system, battling my own head: my anxiety is worried that I won’t get the help I so desperately need, and my depression is convinced of it. And even when the answer is yes, the fight continues with each small change of circumstance, each slight deviation from the ‘norm’. I am so weary of constantly fighting. Why must it be such a battle?
I am shattered.
Groundhog
Day
Take my meds
Look for bargains
Value range
Count the change
Make the call
Wait
Wait
Wait
Frustration
Groundhog Day
Take my meds
Look for bargains
Clearance
Check the change
Small change
So small
UC meeting
Dead end
Dead
End
Despair
Groundhog Day
Take my meds
Look for bargains
SALE!
No change
Work coach
Round
And round
And round
Brick wall
Distress
Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day
H'yer we gan again!
H’yer we gan again!
Uh oh! H’yer we gan again! I’m in the middle of a beautiful warm shower, and all of a sudden…I scream! I scream because the shower water has gone cold and I suspect that the gas has run out, yet again.
I scream, not out of terror, but out of fear, fear because I wonder where I’m gonna get the next penny from to deal with this emergency.
The emergency is that, not only do I need to finish showering, but, it is also a freezing cold day, my house is dark, gloomy and freezing cold, and I have two children to also shower and keep warm, but yet, upon inspection of my gas meter (after getting out of the shower, with now freezing cold droplets of water dripping off my body and onto the floor) it sharp becomes apparent to me that we have definitely run out of gas. I then wrap a towel around me in a desperate attempt to keep warm.
Owww, howay man! How can this be? I say to myself, when I only topped up the gas meter with credit just two days before? And how long is this going to go on for? I’m on Universal Credit, which means I have a limited amount of income as it is.
Besides, when I used to credit my gas meter with the same amount of money a year ago, it used to go so much further, but now it feels as if I'm having to top up the meter with credit every single day! especially since the prices have gone up.
This can’t go on. Things need to change.
Now faced with the challenge of having to find money to credit my gas meter yet again, I take a deep breath… put my hands on my hips… roll back my eyes, and sigh… ‘H’yer we gan again!
Monologue
Ping! Ooh a text! Not like love island obviously. Who is it? Oh god my stomach sinks. Universal Credit. What do they want? Why do they always provoke this sinking feeling? That dread. You always have to answer quickly too. It’s almost like a demand. You have a message. You must go to your journal and sign in now. This is important. Ok, ok, ok I’m doing it. Ok UC log in. What’s my username again? It’s my email? I can never remember it. Nope that’s not it. Have I typed it correctly? Try again. Ok, relax. Think about it. Right ok, breathe, that’s it. What’s the password. Is that it? Nope. Send new password. Ok. Now wait. Oh god, how long does this take? No email reminder yet. Ok, breathe. But what if they are going to take money away? What if I’ve done something wrong? My heart is going. Beads of sweat are breaking out all over my body. Deep breaths. Ping! Ooh an email. Email reminder, password. Oh yeah, that’s it! Ok, back to the page. Right, page has timed out …… Ooh phone ringing. It’s shrill. They tone suddenly vibrating shocked me. Cancel call. Arrrgh! I didn’t even see who was calling. Oh god it could have been important. Who was it? Check quickly. No, don’t recognise the number. Will they ring back? Can’t think about that now. Ok, log back in , correct details, I’m in. All fidgety. It’s loading. We will call you if we need to get in touch with you. What?!?!! That can’t be right? Hang on. Wait, I have to click on journal. Ok, click on journal. You are claiming ESA. You may be affected if you do not inform us. Yes? Wait, is that it? All that stress and worry for thst. Ffs!! Am I supposed to respond to that?! I message asking about this. In a state of disbelief now I go to calm myself with a cup of tea. God I hate this benefit. Ping! Guess who that’s from? Let’s log in again! Message! Reply: it’s just an automatic response we send out. Oh that’s all right then! Thanks for giving me a mini heart attack! Aaaand breathe.
The Road
Why does my benefit...CRUSH down. (confused)
The road to employed is a steep enough hill, why place a mountain to defeat my will.
Why does my benefit..CRUSH down. (Laughable)
The road to good health, is long
and hard to chart, why place a minefield to blow me apart.
Why does my benefit...CRUSH down.(frustrated)
The road to inclusion is digital only, why place obstacles to hinder and goad me.
Why does my benefit...CRUSH down (annoyed)
.
The road out of poverty is a torrid time, why do I feel I did a crime.
Why does my benefit...CRUSH down. (Angry)
The road they built doesn't care or feel, I'm not a problem I'm just real.
Why does Universal Credit crush everyone down. (Sad)
The 60%
This is the Borough the 60% live,
In Tower block and terraced row, home to their estate they go,
past empty shops, except for a few,
Fast food, cheap booze and a pawn broker or two.
This is the Borough the 60% live.
Under 25 unemployment is rife, no job for life, but for some, they call it work. The wage is minimum, the contract… zero hour, it’s not easy to feel empowered.
This is the Borough the 60% live
Wearing knock off trainers, and cheap as chips clothes, this is our style code, no celeb endorsing, no dignifying in benefit mode.
This is the Borough the 60% live,
The leccie is on a key, the phone as you go, you budget to eat when the assistance is low. And they want you to thrive and grow.
This is the Borough the 60% live, here we have all the Ts, community, charity, hilarity, and food bank tea, no one here is along for a free ride because the folk of Gateshead still have pride.
The Conversation
Being on Universal Credit is certainly no farce, ‘are you having a laugh!’ my young teenage daughter turned to me and said, whilst taking off her scarf.
‘You’ve got it all to come’ I said, and she replied ‘please don’t say that mum! whilst continuing to walk from the front door to the kitchen chewing her gum.
‘Would you like a cup of tea? She said, before I sat down on the settee, to which I replied,’ no, not right now for me’.
But, yet, what I would like you to ‘see’ is that nothing in this life is for ‘free’, not even the cup of tea that you kindly offered to me.
In fact, the cost of living these days is so high that it often makes me want to cry, but I’m worried that even if I tried, my tears would touch the sky.
Oh, come on, surely mum, being on Universal Credit sounds like such fun’, because I’ve seen so many claimants spend time in the sun.
No, no, I replied, that may well have been in the past, because nowadays the system is a lot more daft!
Oh my golly gosh mum, (she replied) in that case it seems, that I may well have to ‘mask’ my fears for the ‘task’ of having to claim Universal Credit myself one day, because it sounds like it could be so ‘vast! and that being happy on it won’t ‘last!
At this point, I ‘gasped’, because I then realized that we had just ‘embarked’, upon a whole new conversation that would need to take place later on that day, and preferably after ‘dark’!
Job Centre
Appointment at the Job Centre
3.00pm
Hate going at this time
So many people about
I was in and out
In 10 minutes
No job offer
Sign in sign out
That’s it
Not back for another week
Go back home
Do it all again
Same thing
Different day